Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.

I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn't help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that's not a good way to learn.

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"