The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

I really wanted to talk about the War on Terror and say that both sides were completely incompetent [in addressing it]. You can't blame the other side when you're involved in it.

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum. Parents and kids come and they're all punked out, and there are these other guys in John Deere caps.

It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.

Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit.

Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.