Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them.

Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration.

It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!

My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.

It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.