Just relax and breathe through your ass.

It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!

The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?

The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.

Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity.