The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope.

If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.

Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness.

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.

Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits.

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.