Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York.

These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.

Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.

When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our economy depends on you! You should be out there buying stuff.'

When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.

The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?

Interesting thing about being rich is once you pay your taxes, you're still rich.