Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.

Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.

The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.

This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.

Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis.

It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"