These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!

I feel the need to scream, and even if the scream is not answered, I find my sanity in the echo.

Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.