We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas.

No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny.

The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.