Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.

This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them.

It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!

My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.

There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.