Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal.

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.

I don't Tweet a lot because I've Tweeted things that I thought were really innocuous about subjects that are inflammatory, and the response is so insane sometimes from people.

Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'