In New York, f*** isn't even a word. It's a comma.

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.

I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it stopped at 14th Street. At the station, the doors opened, and the conductor announced that there was a bomb on board and we should evacuate immediately. Nobody moved. We just looked at each other, 'Do you see a bomb?' 'I don't see a bomb.' 'There's no bomb.' 'I've only got two stops - let's go for it.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.