The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
Lewis GrizzardThere is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
Lewis GrizzardI get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.
Lewis Grizzard"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.
Lewis Grizzard