"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.