"Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.