The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.