The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.