Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
Spring time is the land awakening.
If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.