Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
When we talk to god, it's prayer. When god talks to us, it's schizophrenia.
I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other.
There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'.