Our mother's first gift to us comes at the moment we are born, because Mom, as she will subsequently remind us over and over, gives us the Gift of Life Like many of the gifts we receive from our mothers, the Gift of Life usually doesn't fit properly and is almost never returnable without a major hassle.

Dating is probably the most important aspect of a single person's life.

As for breaking up, once the relationship is over, you never really know what went wrong; you just feel nauseous whenever the subject comes to mind. After a plane crash there's the black box that tells the FAA what caused the crack-up. Too bad there's no black box of relationships.

I discovered, quite early in motherhood, that the longest and most painful deliveries occur when you give birth to stepchildren.

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.

Any idiot would know women's needs are simple. All we want is your basic millionaire brain surgeon criminal lawyer great dancer who pilots his own Lear Jet and owns seafront property. On the other hand, things being what they are today, most of us will settle for a guy who holds down a steady job and isn't carrying an infectious disease.