The strongest common bond between the genders is the universally acknowledged truth that both men and women are unhappy with their hair.

I discovered, quite early in motherhood, that the longest and most painful deliveries occur when you give birth to stepchildren.

It's surely one of the strange phenomena of this decade that the most thoughtful gift you can bring a date is not flowers, chocolates, or ankle-length pearls, but a note from your doctor.

Major fluctuations in weight gain and loss are detrimental to your health and embarrassing to explain to your friends and family.

Any idiot would know women's needs are simple. All we want is your basic millionaire brain surgeon criminal lawyer great dancer who pilots his own Lear Jet and owns seafront property. On the other hand, things being what they are today, most of us will settle for a guy who holds down a steady job and isn't carrying an infectious disease.

My sister taught me everything I really need to know, and she was only in sixth grade at the time.

When shopping at Dunkin' Donuts, pretend you are the mother of nine. Say things like, 'Little David likes cream-filled and Susie wanted jelly.' That way, no one will be suspicious when you order a dozen donuts with one cup of coffee to go.