If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America?

When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.

Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.

Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.