I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.

One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!

After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.

God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.