If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.

Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

OK, here's a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way when you're done, you have a treat.

Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.

Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.

Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water.