Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.

The ability to just sit there. That's being a person.