Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.

Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with You Tube and all the other stuff online.

I don't care about the weight. You know, I'm lucky; I'm one of those people - I can eat donuts, whatever, and I just get fat.