I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger.

I did a show in New Jersey in the auditorium of a technical high school ... Technical high school, that's where dreams are narrowed down. We tell our children, "You can do anything you want." Their whole lives. "You can do anything!" But this place, we take kids - they're 15, they're young - and we tell them, "You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you."

I love stand-up more than anything, and I'm so happy to have found a way to use it in the show.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.

There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say.