I love comedians. They're my community.

Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It's like 8 degrees out, and it's dark and she's got this morning face and I send her out there to take a bus. Meanwhile, my driver is sitting in a toasty Mercedes that's going to take me to work once both kids are gone. I could send her in the Mercedes and then have it come back to get me, but I can't have my kid doing that. I can't do that to her. Me? I earned that f—ing Mercedes. You better f—ing believe it.

Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.

You have to do a show as honestly as you can. But you also can't afford skepticism, because it's preparing for failure, which is useless.