My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.

I don't feel those limits when I'm on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it's all comedy. Words. Thoughts. All thoughts are safe and worth exploring.

If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.

I'm not raising the children, I'm raising the grown ups that they're going to be.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.

It's just a big excuse to say awful things.