I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

Young people don't even consider that it's a good idea to be out on the fringe, which is where good ideas come from.

How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the number one threat to women. Globally and historically, we're the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women... You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.

Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.