I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

Look at all the minorities around here! I'm the only majority.

I did a show in New Jersey in the auditorium of a technical high school ... Technical high school, that's where dreams are narrowed down. We tell our children, "You can do anything you want." Their whole lives. "You can do anything!" But this place, we take kids - they're 15, they're young - and we tell them, "You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you."

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.

Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.

If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you

A lot of stand-up specials for cable are meant to glorify the comedian. They put you in a really beautiful theater, and sometimes they even blow a little smoke in there to make it misty and sweet. They make the guy look like he's a big rock star. But comedy's not really glamorous. It doesn't enhance comedy for it to look good.