There's no such thing as a cheap laugh.

There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.

There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say.

If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.