There's no such thing as a cheap laugh.

I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.

There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I'm seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."

The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.

Sometimes I try to take a nap before shows. That clears my head.