I've had, what, two years? Probably five good years. Before that I had twenty years of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction and poverty. All those things. That'll always outweigh the good times.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.

I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.

I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.

Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also - also - it lights up your big dumb face.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.

If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.