Everything that people say is testable.

I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow Jones, there's a part of me that goes, “This can't be good.” None of this is real money. You know what I mean? It's not like there's actually more of anything. It's just ideas. When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well.

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’

Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.