I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh... I guess I said something, and, uh... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she..." Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it."

There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it.

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

I don't have sex drive... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'.

I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.

If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.