We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make stuff up to get worried about.

Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.

You could drive a rental car until you don't want it. Just get out of it while it's moving and just walk away. No, I don't feel like being in that car any longer. Just call Hertz. Hi, your car is drifting into the intersection of 28th and Broadway, if you're interested. It's now your problem.

Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.

If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor, you can't go - I guess there's forms of it.

It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.

If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.