The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.

Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.

A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much.

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.

I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"