People are too afraid of uptown. A lot of people will tell you, like, "Don't go to Harlem. You can never go there. 'Cause as soon as you get there, they kill you." That's what people think. As soon as you arrive in Harlem, someone just stabs you in the face right away. That's people's image of Harlem: just everyone standing around waiting for lost white people to kill all day. "Did you see any? I didn't either."

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented.

When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to know why your father spends so long in the toilet? Because he's not sure he wants to be a father.

Bill has three goldfish. He buys two more. How many dogs live in London?

I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.