Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400 years ago.' No it very wasn't. It was 140 years ago...that's two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That's how recently you could buy a guy.

I've always benefited from knowing machines well, because it's freedom, it gives you freedom, I always knew that.

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.

I wish I could [keep a journal]. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a whole form and all his jokes are poems. So it's different. I wanted to do it like George Carlin. Now I do it like me.

To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.