There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say.

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh... I guess I said something, and, uh... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she..." Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it."

You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.