You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."

I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning.

I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation.

Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.

I don't feel those limits when I'm on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it's all comedy. Words. Thoughts. All thoughts are safe and worth exploring.

I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.

Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also - also - it lights up your big dumb face.