I don't have sex drive... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'.

Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.

Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.

There's no such thing as a cheap laugh.

If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.