I don't have sex drive... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'.

Maybe God is an asshole...of course not, he's not an asshole, he's imaginary.

I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they're killing, everybody's murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don't want to be alone for a second because it's so hard.

You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin."

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.