I don't have sex drive... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'.

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.

To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to a kid who watches tv.

Sometimes I just want to tell a story regardless of whether it fits what the show is saying. I’ve been in a lot of writing rooms where somebody says an idea and everyone’s dying, like laughing so they’re delirious. It’s like a black hole in a good way, everything starts to fall into it, you know what I mean.