I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

It's hard having kids because it's boring... It's just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.

If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."

I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.

The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness.

When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.'

There's nothing that beats proving you're funny by making a funny thing, and right now there are huge outlets for that, with You Tube and all the other stuff online.