If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn't be a conversation.

Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed ... into my mouth.

There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

I learned that money can be a lot of things,It can be something that is hoarded, fought over, protected, stolen and withheld. Or it can be like an energy, fueled by the desire, will, creative interest, need to laugh, of large groups of people. And it can be shuffled and pushed around and pooled together to fuel a common interest, jokes about garbage, penises and parenthood.

Performing comedy, you develop a rhythm of ideas and laughs. I live for it.

Life's too short to be an asshole, as an employer or as an employee.

It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.