The ability to just sit there. That's being a person.

It's just a big excuse to say awful things.

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See?

What we've done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It's not even real any more. You used to be able to give a kid an apple and they would love it. Kids can't even taste apples any more. Apples taste like paper to kids now.

I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.