You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.

I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up.

You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’

I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do.