You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.

I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.

I don't like waking up. I feel like staying in bed usually, but I can't because I've got two kids standing next to my bed, just eager to live another day.

The earliest stand-up comedy I was aware of was Bill Cosby. I watched Saturday Night Live as soon as I was aware of it, and Monty Python used to be on PBS at weird hours, so I used to try to watch that. And I loved George Carlin on SNL, that was the first stand-up I ever really remember seeing on TV. And then Steve Martin. I guess I was in fifth or sixth grade when Steve Martin showed up, and he was instantly my idol. And Richard Pryor around the same time too, I sort of became aware of him, though I don't remember the first time I saw him.

Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's really hard to come back from - harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.

I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation.