If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.

Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, "Those Chinese people, they can fly!" "You know about the Puerto Ricans? They're made of candy!"

I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.

Bill has three goldfish. He buys two more. How many dogs live in London?

Very few American parents give a crap about how they raise their kids. They put minimal effort into it. Who told you it's a good idea to buy a developing mind a video game?

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.