I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them - that's just the way I am they make me feel good about who I am.

The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.

I just always loved comedy and I really wanted to be good at it. And it was heartbreaking, 'cause I started and I wasn't good at it. I was only 17-years-old, so I had a lot to learn about life in general. But I just kept on trying. I was young enough and stupid enough and I had no other choice. I had nothing else I was good at.

You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

I love stand-up more than anything, and I'm so happy to have found a way to use it in the show.