It's just a big excuse to say awful things.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

People don't talk to me on airplanes.

I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.