My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.
Louis C. K.I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they're killing, everybody's murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don't want to be alone for a second because it's so hard.
Louis C. K.There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say.
Louis C. K.My kids and I figured out that thereโs a third kind of person, and I donโt know what you call them, but itโs somebody who sees that the glass is always full because itโs half full with water and half full with nothing, so thatโs the third kind of person. I donโt know what it is.
Louis C. K.