The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.

I love stand-up more than anything, and I'm so happy to have found a way to use it in the show.

To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.

My kids and I figured out that there’s a third kind of person, and I don’t know what you call them, but it’s somebody who sees that the glass is always full because it’s half full with water and half full with nothing, so that’s the third kind of person. I don’t know what it is.

You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you.