You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.

Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.

I've always got the road. Stand-up makes you so autonomous and self-sufficient that it really helps with that part of show business.

There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.

I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.

Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone's getting hurt.

I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.