If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.

Perception is created and twisted so quickly.

If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.

Dating is horrible, it's awful. I don't get it. It's like you're standing there: 'Hi. Do you want to have sex and later wish you hadn't?' It's horrible. And it's awkward at 42 because I don't have the body or the drive. I just sit in the car and hope somebody gets in.

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.