I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.

People say, 'My phone sucks.' No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

Life's too short to be an asshole, as an employer or as an employee.

You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented.

Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.

The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.

There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.